RON

“The board was angry that day, my friends - like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. I had begun with my often ill-fated attempt to hold Australia early in the game. In fact, I took the pink lady on my first turn. I was expecting someone to come storming in to take her from me, and I was ready to take them down with me. However, it seems the importance of the game made for some hesitant competition. I bided my time, as Sheldon gingerly nibbled on Martin in the middle of the board, and Nancy kept Devin busy in the west. Rolls were rolled. Territories changed hands. Drinks were imbibed (oh, were they ever). After Nancy had a nap, made a mess in the kitchen and did a wardrobe change, I found myself staring at the ceiling in the war room. That was when things changed for me. That was when I had the most (unintentionally) inspiring motivational speech I have ever had. I was confident in my place on the board. I was pretty sure I was headed for at least a top two finish, and apparently Devin did as well. I heard Devin tell Sheldon, in not so many words, that I had the game all but wrapped up. This sent Sheldon on a bit of a rant. As he bellowed that I was, in fact, not going to win the game - that I was too passive, and had no chance of winning - as he slurred his drunken words, I felt the sixes building up in me. I rose from the floor of the war room re-inspired, ready to take my place as the rightful owner of the game 100 trophy. I walked back in to the board room, picked up my bone-coloured dice, and proceeded to make short work of Sheldon. In retrospect his rousing speech had a twofold effect. 1 - It gave me the inspiration needed to aggressively remove him from the board, and go on to win the game. And 2 - It gave Sheldon the extra time he needed to focus on claiming another glorious title that night. Owner of the 'most drinks in one game' record. Obviously, after winning a game as prestigious as game 100, I have put a huge target on my back for game 101. Let us see if I have the intestinal fortitude to stave off those who would like to make a name for themselves by beating the RISK champion of game 100. It will undoubtedly be my biggest challenge to date, but the kind of challenge that makes true champions. Bring it, bitches...”

“Please note that this quote is to be read to the tune of 14 Years by Guns N Roses. All would be well-advised to open up a Youtube window with the song playing and read the words along with the vocal melody to achieve maximal effect. Tryin to stay in contact, it ain t easy Always some prior engagement, dropped in the way Obstacles were abundant, kids work and such So we figured out a system, to keep in touch And we ve been makin time for 14 years So hard to keep consistent, numbers to play You know, we ve all been winners, we ve felt defeat Felt like a god, been rendered dead meat Now it s been 14 years of violence It s been 14 years of games It s been 14 years that kept us together Instead of being long estranged Eliminated players, they fan the flames We ve all been guilty once we re, out of the game You can still drink your sorrows, make em fly away If you can hold your liquor you ll, feel fine the next day And we ve been makin time for 14 years So hard to keep consistent, numbers to play You know, we ve all brought ringers, some we never beat Some left their stats, badly incomplete Now it s been 14 years of violence It s been 14 years of games It s been 14 years that kept us together Instead of being long estranged Profane spiteful quotations, our stock-in-trade Good-natured competition, friendships unfrayed Pull out your dice and armies, it s time to play It s time to roll some sixes, outta my way I look back on 14 years, smile on my face So glad we kept this going let s, keep up the pace You know, just like a wise man he said, just A.B.T. Oh, conquer all territories Conquer all territories”

“I m always right Sheldon says so!!! Sheldon you suck! Why you attack me? I cry for you Devin do not pour your own beer! Boo hoo! Buddha-san saiko daiyo!!!!! I pray to my vi-chen (Grampa) OMG Devin is the Satan! Buddha rules. He defies Buddha!! I weep for Devin, onegai shimasu! Devin is not that bad! He s just emotional. I pray to Buddha-san onegai shimasu. Onegai shimasu. Marty is awesome! He rolled for me when I got sick.”

“The venue: Dhami Narang and Co. on the corner of Gladwin and Dahlstrom (yes I know the name has changed), with its lovely offices, big glass wall on the south side of the War Room. With its wonderful roof access... ahem hopefully no... uhm... errr... after effects can be detected. The food: Mighty fine way to get me to let my guard down. The classic fattening up the victim with cheeses which slow down metabolism and put you into a comforting sense of near sleep; Meat products that made me feel like a lion who's gluttony breeds lethargy; Lettuce to make me think I am eating healthy though it was just a thin casing for more meat; and Chocolate which releases those endorphins which help soften the blow of a swift kill; did I mention copious amounts of body and mind numbing alcoholic beverages? The game: number 100. There may be only one victor and unfortunately that was not me. Normally I would point to a mis-step in strategy, a lack of good rolls but in this case I blame it on one, and I will have my vengeance ; maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but some day... there's always a someday . The game: RISK. Though we may not always call each other on the telephone or go over to visit, in our busy lives we can always schedule a game and fit each other in. It is hard to believe that so many games have been played of a game my parents warned me almost destroyed their marriage. The people: funny-- I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome and I can step back and realize that it is not all about the venue, the food, nor the game. It's the people. The game (and a very fine game, I might add) is and always has been but an excuse to get together and be. It has indeed been a gateway for many a long talk, a chance to catch up on old times, to meet someone new, and share an experience with friends.”

“I will have it all, or I will have nothing. So I stated in my original motto all those years ago when we embarked on this great project of playing one Risk game each month, and in this pinnacle Hundredth Game it appears I have satisfied the latter condition of this statement. Fifth place in a five-combatant arena of battle: I could only sigh with resigned dissatisfaction as this came to pass. Defeat has undoubtedly restrained the reflective process I aspired to undertake while composing this summary of my thoughts on the events that unfolded on the Big Board in the Big Game. Of course I knew defeat was possible, but I don t play with pessimistic certainty about my probability of winning however much I may rail against the vagaries of chance. It is a whole different matter of perception when what will obviously, probably, or definitely happen is not in one s favour. Defeat is sobering. Quite unfortunately, however, the course of the game seemed unbefitting such a highly anticipated showdown. In my short time with pieces on the board, there was no courageous digging out of continents, no rivalrous build-ups of strength on adjacent borders, no creative maneuvering, no shockingly unexpected pattern of card sets turned in, no epic battles of momentum-shifting potential: better games have been played, I will submit. Maybe aspects of great game characteristics surfaced after my unceremonious departure, but I can t say I was in a very observant mood at all times in the five remaining hours of this contest to notice. At the outset, I do recall Black finding itself in an incredibly strong southern hemisphere position, Pink holding a clear northern geographic advantage to exploit as well, Red sitting in another comfortable spot within southern territories, and Yellow and my own Grey left to build upon what was left in the vastness of the middle board; what transpired was in a way predictable, as far as game outcomes go. True, different choices could have been made by all that would have made for a very different game, but these choices were not made. And perhaps it was a decision of my own that left me too much at the mercy of others choices. I probably bit off too much with that early nibble payback, but a mutually self-defeating confrontation between Yellow and Grey was probably inevitable anyway, such was the initial distribution of possibilities. There was that curious retraction of opposing forces as I lay on the brink of elimination that would have been unusual in most any other game, and I suppose I will remember that for another milestone engagement. But my fifth place finish was all but determined at this juncture. Yet, in conclusion, I must say I am buoyed by the spirit underlying the purpose of this gathering. Yes, we are celebrating the playing of the Hundredth Game, but we are also celebrating our dedication to keep playing, as best we can manage, a game each month as a way of assembling in person to enjoy food, drink, song, the occasional inexpensive cigar, and, of course, the longevity of our friendship in spite of however much of the violent, blood-thirsty sides of our personalities surface during these meetings. Still, it also would have been nice to win the Hundredth Game.”